On The Naughty List

“Christopher Noel Cringle,” the guard called.  “Your fine has been paid. You’re free to go; you can pick up your possessions from the desk sergeant.” The guard opened the cell door and Chris slowly made his way out. He cringed as he looked as his husband standing on the other side of the police station counter. 

He stopped and picked up the large plastic bag containing his coat, hat, belt, and cell phone. 

The look on William’s face did not bode well for the comfort of his posterior once they were back at the Pole. He thought maybe an explanation now might help a little. “William, I…”

He was cut off in mid thought. “Don’t, not here, not now.” William replied sharply. “Let’s just get going before we have further problems.”

The two men were outside before William asked. “Where did you leave the sleigh?” 

“On top of a restaurant on Union Street, just a couple of blocks from here.”

“Alright, we’ll walked over. I had Bernie fly me down. He’s already on his way back home. We’ll go home in your sleigh. You just have Dasher, right?”


They walk around the back alley of the restaurant and Chris gave a whistle. Seconds later the familiar sleigh pulled by a single reindeer appeared before them. Chris pulled an apple from his pocket and
held it out for the reindeer who gave him a look of disgust before taking the treat.

William shook his head. “I don’t blame you for being put out, Dasher; waiting here for all this time.  Well, not to worry. This WON’T be happening again.” He turned to look at Chris. “Get in, we’ve got a long trip home and we’re all tired.”

Chris climbed sadly into the sleigh and William sat beside him, taking the reins from Chris’s hands.  “I’ll be driving.” He gave a shake to the reins and call out. “Home, Dasher.”

It was a quiet ride home. Even with the reindeer’s ability to slip through the time stream moving faster than any human could imagine, it still took nearly half an hour to get from San Francisco to the North Pole. Once they had Dasher comfortably returned to his stall in the stables, Chris and William headed into Santa’s Castle. 

“Straight to the den so we can get this situation dealt with,” William ordered. Once there he went to his desk and pulled out the Lexan paddle and brought it over to the sofa where Chris had sat. 

Chris gulped audibly when he saw the implement; nothing was nastier than that thing. 

“I want to get the facts straight here before we begin. Did I or did I not tell you to ignore the mortals and their versions of Santa Claus? Did I not specifically tell you that this was nothing for you to get involved in, whether you liked how they represent you or not?  You’ve managed to ignore this so called ‘Santa-con’ in the past. Why did you insist on going down and causing trouble at this one?” 

Chris squirmed. Somehow he’d hoped that William wouldn’t press for details but now that he had, he knew he couldn’t just lie about what happened. “They were…well they were doing something different this year and well it was in San Francisco you know and well…”

“Out with it, Chris. I’m not waiting all night.”

“TheyweregoingfortheworldrecordforthenumberofnudeSanta’sinoneplace,” he blurted out quickly.

William’s head perked up. “What did you just say?”

“They were going for the world record for the number of nude Santa’s in one place,” he repeated.

Sighing deeply William asked, “You didn’t, did you?”

“Well I was going to, I mean I thought it would be fun, but…”


“But just before they tried to get the people together for the nude gathering, I stopped to get an ice cream cone from a vendor and there I saw this man and he had a little boy with him and I suggested to him that it wasn’t the sort of thing a child should be attending. And well he said, ‘mind your own business old man the kid already knows there ain’t no such thing as Santa Claus.”

“And of course you took exception to that?”

“No, I mean yes I did but I didn’t say anything I really didn’t. I accept that some people tell their children that I don’t exist, I don’t like it but I really was prepared to let it go. But the child, well you know they can see me for who I really am. Well he smiled up at me and asked if I could bring him a Star Wars Lego set for Christmas. When I knelt down to talk to him the father grabbed the boy called me a… pervert and pushed me over. The man stormed away with the child but in the meantime I landed backwards into a rather large size lady. She was in a skin tight red leather outfit with white fir trim styled I suppose to look like mine. And the lady took exception to my landing against her. She pulled me to my feet and asked if I needed to be shown what she did to misbehaving boys like me. 
I said no thank you and turned away from her as fast as I could. I bumped into a rather unsavoury looking fellow who pinched my bottom so I turned from him quickly and it was then I ran full force into the policeman on horseback who was moving through the crowd. The horse was very calm
about it but the policeman took exception to the fact that my ice cream cone flew from my hand as I ran into him and splatted all up over his uniform. And well that’s when I was hauled off to the pokey, at first he was going to charge me with assaulting an officer but the desk sergeant was laughing so hard when he heard the story that he made them drop the charge to public nuisance which could be paid by a fine. But when I went to pay the fine I found my wallet had been stolen. I think it was the man who pinched my bottom; he probably did that to distract me from the fact he was pinching my wallet at the same time. And so that’s why I had to call you to come and pay the fine and get me out.”

William sat on the sofa just shaking his head. Only his Chris could go to attend a Santa-con and be arrested for causing a public nuisance. 

“Alright,my boy,let me make this clear you are not being spanked for being arrested. You are being spanked for disobeying me when I specifically told you to stay away from such mortal events. Is that understood?”

Chris nodded sadly. “Yes sir.”

“Alright, up you get. Drop those red pants and let’s get this done.”

Chris quickly found himself in the familiar position across his top’s lap with his legs neatly trapped between Williams, and his upper body situated across the seats of the sofa. 

William didn’t want to keep this going any longer than necessary. He picked up the light weight paddle and set to work on turning his beloved’s backside the same shade of red as his famous suit.  The Lexan paddle was very deceptive, light weight but it left a nasty sting that made the recipient feel like he was being stung by a hundred angry bees. There was going to be no leniency as far as William was concerned. Out and out defiance was not going to be tolerated. He spent several minutes
bringing that paddle down again and again, hardening his heart to Chris’s pleas that he was sorry and would never do it again. It wasn’t until Chris’s entreaties turned to sobs that William put the paddle aside and began the job of comforting his lover. 

The rest of their evening was spent quietly together, reconnecting after a difficult day.

The next morning Chris dragged himself from bed and padded down to the kitchen. “Good morning,” he mumbled to William who sat at the table drinking coffee and reading the San Francisco Examiner. 

“Good morning, coffee’s ready, William replied as he continued to read.

Chris got his coffee and returned to the table. He noticed a large hole cut in the front page of the paper. “Since when do you read a San Francisco paper and what have you cut out of it?”

William smirked and pointed to the refrigerator door. There on the door was the mug shot they’d taken of Chris at the police station. William had carefully cut it out along with the headline.  ‘SANTA IN THE HOOSCOW”

All Chris could do was shake his head and say, “They always spell my name wrong!”

The End

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